Here's to swimmin' with bowlegged wimmen..........

There be seafood here..............!!!

Some of the nicest meals a person can prepare, are the simplest and quickest. An excellant example of this is seafood of almost all kinds. If you enjoy the flavor of fish, shrimp, scallops, lobster etc...., then you know that there really is very little you have to do to season or prepare it. Seafoods can, generally, be grilled, baked, poached, sauteed, fried, boiled...........you name it. It is almost impossible to fuck up seafood, unless of course you under or over cook it..........it is a pretty forgiving foodstuff for the beginning or inexperienced cook.

A few weeks ago, I spotted some 10-12 count shrimp (10 to 12 per pound......about the size of small lobsters!) and some 10-12 count scallops on sale for around $7.00 per pound at Krogers. If you are familiar with prices, then you'll know that these items, at this size normally sell for $10.00 to $12.00 per pound.

I snagged a couple of pounds of each. At home, I took them out of the store packaging, laid them out on wax paper on a cookie sheet, and stuck them in the freezer until they were just frozen. I was then able to bag them up loose in a half-gallon zip-lock bag............when I was ready to make a meal out of them I could take out the number I wanted to prepare without defrosting the whole mess just to get them apart. Works like a charm for a lot of foods sold in packages too big for a single person or a couple to consume at one sitting. Foods repackaged in this way will go 3 or 4 months or better in the freezer without any discernible loss in quality. This also allows the single person, couple or small family to take advantage of sales on large packages, or whole cuts of meat that often mean a savings of nearly half what you would spend on a smaller package. It also allows having a stock of a variety of meats, available in any quantity the occasion calls for, should you find yourself cooking for guests.

So tonight I'm going to fix myself a quick, easy, nice supper.............

I defrosted 6 each of the shrimp and scallops...........I took them out of the freezer and stuck them in the fridge two days ahead. Sticking them in a baggie and putting them in a bowl of water will defrost them in a few hours.

I decided to have frozen asparagus spears (little late in the season for the fresh stuff), simmered to a bright green "al dente" state in a skillet, over a medium heat, in a half stick of butter. For my starch, I decided on a steamed Yam (a sweet potato would have made for a nice color contrast, but the selection at the store was pretty poor).

I have this cheap enamel pot with a pasta insert and a steamer bowl. I can't remember when I bought it, but I'm reasonably certain it was over 25 years ago...........and I use the shit out of it. Put that on your list of really handy things to have in a kitchen...............




I put about two inches of water in it and put in on a back burner over a medium high heat.

I peeled and cubed the Yam, put the basket in the pot, and covered it..........the yam will be done in about 15 or 20 minutes.









In the meantime, I put a half stick of butter in one 10" sautee pan (for the asparagus) and a whole stick of butter in another 10' sautee pan (for the meat) and put them on a medium heat. You have to be careful here not to scorch the butter by heating it too fast.

I put a spoonful of minced garlic in the pan that the shrimp and scallops were going in to..............




The shrimp had been deveined already, so all I had to do was peel off the shell, toss them in the pan with the scallops and season them with salt and pepper and the juice of a whole lemon (well almost a whole lemon, I saved a couple of chunks to squeeze over the food at the table).

Just before I put the meat in the pan, I turned up the heat..........putting the food in when things began to sizzle a bit.........(again, not scorching the butter).
I didn't really sautee the seafood so much as I poached it.

At the same time, I put the asparagus in its pan.............



















While all this was going on, the yam cooked through. (I tested it by sticking a fork in it.) I turned the flame off under it..........the hot water kept it hot until I was ready to serve it.

I cooked the meat for about 7 or 8 minutes and turned each piece over to cook about the same amount of time on the other side. I shuffled the asparagus around from time to time to keep it from actually frying.........it was done a bit before the shrimp and scallops, so I simply turned the flame off and left it in the pan.

When the seafood was done, I transferred it to a plate. What was left in the pan was a buttery, garlicky, lemony liquid.........I splashed in a bit of the wine I was going to drink with my meal, and let it reduce while I finshed loading my plate.




Most of the cooks I've read or seen on television say to forget about so-called cooking wine. Use what you drink.............if it's not good enough to drink, then its not good enough to cook with.

I picked up a $6.00 bottle of Beringer White Merlot and chilled it...........I like merlot, but I'd never tried a white merlot. It turned out to be fruity and sweet. It had enough body to stand up to the butter and garlic, a bit of spice and a nice soft finish. A refreshing and cleansing beverage that didn't walk all over the meal the way a red might have, nor did it tuck its head between its legs and hide the way a chardonnay might have...........I was thinking a spicy gewurtztraminer might have been ok, but this was nice.

I spooned a bit of the sauce from the pan over the shrimp and scallops,and melted some butter over the yam and sprinkled on some brown sugar....




At last the taste test............




Good stuff Maynard.........


Cheers...!!!

All in all, this meal cost about 3 bucks more than a King-sized #8 combo with cheese.........and if put on a scale, probably amounted to about a half pound more food. I didn't count the calories up...........but I'll bet, butter and all, it consisted of considerably fewer than would have been in the nasty ol' booger 'n flies. In terms of time and convenience..............'bout the same. The dishes were minimal.........three pans, a plate, a glass and assorted utensils and tools.

Be kind to yourselves people...........all them sons of bitches that civility demands a show of niceness and consideration towards all day long most likely don't deserve it half as much as you do.

I'm going to a family get-together this weekend, and I'm taking a chunky turkey salad with some surprising ingredients.........and two monster apple pies.

Guess what we'll be cooking next time kiddies.........it's not as hard as you think.

Bon appetit............

Thus endeth the lesson...........

A Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough....a Flask of Wine, a Bowl of Stew, and Thou......

Before we dive into the nitty gritty, I'd like to discuss a thing or two.

If you type the word "recipes" into google, you get twenty nine fucking million one hundred thousand entries!!!

I use recipes, sometimes............but mostly I just cook. Over the years I've acquired a certain familiarity with how things work food-wise. I've made some inedible mistakes from time to time, but that is part of learning.

One of the things I'd like to do here is take some of the mystery out of the preparation of simple foods.

So, in that light...............what is a stew?......or a chowder, for that matter.

It is broth, with or with out meat, with other shit in it............an olio.

olio

\O"li*o\, n. [Sp. olla a round earthen pot, a dish of boiled or stewed meat, fr. L. olla a pot, dish. Cf. Olla, Olla-podrida.] 1. A dish of stewed meat of different kinds. [Obs.]

Besides a good olio, the dishes were trifling. --Evelyn.

2. A mixture; a medley. --Dryden.

3. (Mus.) A collection of miscellaneous pieces.

Pretty simple, eh?

I've never used barley in a soup or stew before.............but a friend of mine asked for a beef and barley concoction, so I undertook to accommodate her.
After all, it's just another ingredient in the "olio".

However, it does help to understand something about barley.

While not the kind of fanatic purist that would insist on using barley grown only in certified virgin elf shit and hand hulled, one kernel at a time, as a act of penance by reformed whalers and seal pup hunters, I do like whole grains and try to use the most wholesome I can find.

The most common form of barley available in the average large grocery store, is pearled barley. Sometimes they will offer different levels of pearling...........that is, from less refined to more refined. I would choose the least refined barley I could find; I would not drive all over hell and gone looking for pot barley or hulled barley...................but if they happened to be on the shelf next to the pearled barley, I would certainly use them. I would not buy or use "quick cooking" barley. Good things are worth the time and trouble.
Barley, unlike most other grains, has fiber all through the kernel and not just in the bran, or endosperm (giggle............he said sperm), so when you consider all the other things we are going to put in our stew, you really aren't gaining much by being a nut about it.

One thing you do need to know about barley, or rice, or oats or anything else you are going to add to a stew, is how much liquid it is going to suck up...........and barley sucks up a lot. One cup of barley will absorb 3 cups of liquid.........so you have to compensate.

Each of the stews I prepared filled up a 5 quart dutch oven. I used one cup of barley and it really made the stews thick with barley. It took up so much room that I didn't have room to add the 28 oz. can of whole tomatoes in juice that I normally add to my stew.............but now that I've eaten a bowl of each, I can always add the tomatoes before I heat them up again. If you've got a 6 quart or larger dutch oven or a 6 qt crock pot, I would suggest using that.

So,let's get started...........where's the beef???

You can use any kind or cut of beef you like..........what ever is cheap. Do not go out and buy so called "stew beef". Stew beef is the biggest rip off in the supermarket..............it is cheap beef scraps cubed up and sold for about twice as much as the cut that it came off of. Buy a thick two pound chunk of roast or round steak or what ever is on sale for $1.49 a pound or less.

I happened to have a nearly 4 lb. round steak in the freezer that I bought the last time it was on sale.





I rinsed it and patted it dry with a tea towel..........(paper towels cost money, dish towels wash).........of course that contaminated the towel, so I chucked it in the hamper after I used it.

As I said, I am making two versions of this stew...........one with smaller pieces and one that is really chunky..........a knife and fork version that I call "big stew".

So, I cut my round steak in half and cubed one half to 3/4" pieces and the other to about 1 1/2" chunks............





I pulled out my 5 qt. cast iron kettles poured 4 cups (two cans) of beef broth in each and turned a low flame under them. (I normally use two cups of beef broth, but remember, we're compensating for the juice the barley will absorb) I pre-heated the oven to 300 degrees (most of the cooking is going to be in the oven, it keeps things from sticking) and started preheating a skillet to brown the meat.

YOU MUST BROWN THE MEAT!!! If you've ever noticed the make-your-mouth-water, knock-you-to-your-knees aroma wafting about a steak house, (I've known veggies come to the edge of converting when they smelled that smell) then you know what effect the Maillard Reaction has on the flavor and aroma of meat. If you don't brown meat, you'll wind up with tasteless, grey chunks of boiled animal protein floating around in an otherwise perfectly good stew. The link I provided is very informative as to why and how...............take a minute or two and check it out. Then you'll know something about cooking that you can apply to dozens of other dishes.......and that's the whole idea.

So, where were we.............?

Ahh, yes..........kettles and browning and such-like.........


broth in kettle 4 cups


preheating skillet

Brown the meat in batches and throw in kettle.......




Now, deglaze the skillet...........all that brown stuff on the bottom of the skillet is just chuck to the nuts with good ol' "maillard" flavor. Deglazing is covered in that link I gave you above, but it is nothing more than pouring liquid into the hot pan, and scraping the bits off the bottom while the liquid boils. It only takes a minute or two, and saves you a hell of a scrubbing job later. If deglazing is done right, the pan is nearly clean when you pour the liquid out of it.

What to do with the liquid, you ask??? Why pour it in the pan.......it is concentrated flavor. You can use water, wine, broth.......whatever.


deglaze the pan while still sizzling hot....

Season with garlic, worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper to taste.........use your imagination here...........you can put any kind of seasoning in that your little heart desires. I use pre-chopped garlic because I think it is just as aromatic and flavorful as freshly chopped cloves and I don't wind up throwing any away. Also, the little jars are great for storing little odd screws and things in a garage or workshop.




I diced up a couple of medium onions for the small stew and peeled four onions and chucked them in the big stew whole..........





I then rinsed and cut some celery...........small pieces for the small stew and big chunks for the big stew...........










With those ingredients added and starting to simmer in the broth, I moved the kettles (covered) into the oven.




I had some time on my hands here, so I went ahead and chunked up the carrots........I used those cute little baby carrots for the small stew, but you don't have to.

The batteries on my camera started to fizzle out on me at this point, but I have made sure I had spares on hand since a set shot craps on me the night my grand-daughter was born last August.
When a set of high-dollar camera batteries will no longer support the "live-view" function of a digital camera, they still have tons of juice in them for things like remote controls...........and ladies, they've got enough juice left in them to rock your world a time or two even if you use one of those industrial sized vibes............
just stick them in the little box the new batteries came out of and mark it with an X or something (so you'll know they are partly spent) with the indelible laundry marker you keep in the junk drawer to mark plastic freezer bags with............which of course you have, don't you?

So, here's a gratuitous test shot of Uncle Cecil's pantry with the new batteries.......




I let that simmer for about an hour in the oven........I checked it from time to time, (if it gets to boiling, turn the oven down a bit......you just want it to simmer)

After an hour, I put in the hard veggies, carrots and potatoes..........and started the barley cooking.............

I used those little red potatoes, but you can use anything you like. I left them whole for the big stew and cut them in half for the little stew.........







Back in the oven while the barley cooks.........

I measured out 2 cups of barley, and opened two cans (four cups) of beef broth.
IF YOU WANT A THICK BROTH FOR YOUR FINISHED STEW, RESERVE ONE CUP OF BROTH AT THIS POINT. If you want a thinner broth for your stew, go ahead and throw both cans in the pan.
This is about half the liquid that the barley needs to cook...........I'm going to cook it on a very low heat until it has just absorbed almost all the broth. This will take about 45 mins, give or take.




While the barley is cooking, I cut up my mushrooms, I'm going to add them next.
I used button mushrooms for the small stew and portobello caps for the big stew.
I cut the big buttons in thirds, the medium sized ones in half, and the little ones I left whole................it goes with out saying, that you can use any kind of 'roons you like (or leave them out altogether). I cut the portobellos into half inch think slices.

When the potatoes and carrots had been cooking for about half hour, I chucked in the mushrooms...........










It doesn't take very long for the mushrooms to start to cook, so when the barley had absorbed all the liquid I gave it, I divided it between the pans and folded it in.







You want to let that simmer for a while, (in the oven)and your oven temp may be down around 225 to 250 by now.............it's kind of a kentucky windage thing. You'll want to gently stir it around from time to time, and if the barley is sucking up too much of the broth, don't be afraid to add a little water.

We are going to add three more things to our stew............

a bit of broth thickened with cornstarch.....(remember the broth we reserved???)

some fresh green beans to both pots,

and some chunks of ear corn to the big stew.

So, we can take a break for about 20 minutes or so, and then start getting those things ready.

Shuck, rinse, and trim off tip and ends of corn cobs and cut into about 2 inch long chunks.


We've got about a cup of broth in our measure. Put four tablespoons of cornstarch in it and mix it up really good with a fork...........this can be done with any liquid, but it has to be no warmer than room temperature..........otherwise it will get lumpy.







Pinch the stem ends of the beans. You can use frozen green beans here, and you can also use the little frozen corn cobs if these things are not in season. They don't take very long to cook. Mostly, they sort of sit on top of everything and steam. It takes about 15 or twenty minutes.

Divide the cornstarch mixture into the two kettles and stir in, put the cobs in and lay the beans across the top..........










Chuck 'em back in the oven for about 20 minutes................turn off the oven. The oven will stay plenty hot, and the stew itself is hot enough to cook the corn and beans. During this time you can set your table, and tidy up a bit.........Remember?........I like to clean as I go, it makes for a more leisurely post-prandial experience whether you are dining alone or with company

I bought a bottle of Lindeman's Bin 45 Cab Sav for this meal. I really don't know fuck-shit about wine, but I read labels, I know what flavors and qualities I like, I don't buy expensive wines, and I'm not afraid to try new things. A really fine wine would be lost on my smoke blasted palate anyway. I've had good luck with Lindeman wines in the past........and, at $6.99 (on sale at Kroger) the price was right.

So, if you have a nice, robust bottle of red wine at hand, this is the time to open it and let it breathe a bit.

There is nothing particularly depressing about being alone, but the most deliberately unfettered soul has the occasional bout of loneliness. Nothing emphasizes loneliness more than getting in the habit of poking some dog-shit food-like substance in your face right out of the can or package. It makes just as much sense to get in the habit of making even a solo dinner a nice occasion. What are a couple extra dishes, an extra few minutes of preparation, or an extra few bucks? In a few days, you'll leave your house or apartment, lock the door behind you and go somewhere on a whim, without so much as a by your leave......or you'll meet someone interesting or nice and say: "Hey, why don't you come over for a beer, or a movie, or a snack?".....or you will curl up on your couch with that novel you've been wanting to read, without somebody deciding to choose that time to turn into a complete moron with no place else to go and nothing better to do than take their emotional instabilities out on you............as if there weren't big rocks laying around every-fucking-where for people like that to hurt themselves on instead of beating up on you...............and you'll remember why you decided to stay single for a while.

But I digress...........

The stew is done..........




I bought a crusty loaf of foccacia bread from the Kroger bakery.........wrapped it in a cloth napkin and put it in the oven (its been off for 20 mins, remember?) to warm.....




and poured a bit of extra-virgin olive oil in a small dish to dip the bread in, intead of using butter..........buy a nice olive oil just for that purpose, it should say on the label...




The small stew..........




The big stew...........




And, of course the obligatory gustatory scenes........


cheers....the wine paired well with the stew

When serving the "big stew", people are going to look at it and wonder..... "how in the fuck are we supposed to eat this?" Be a good host and show them it is ok to use their fingers...........







All in all, the stews came out quite good. It's been a while since I've had occasion to use my cast iron kettles, one advantage of which (for women especially), is that it adds iron to your food. When my son left for the service, the era of cooking big vats of things pretty much came to an end in my family except at holidays...........thus I had forgotten that I sometimes had a tendency to overfill my 5 qt pans. This is why I didn't add the tomatoes...........which I really rather regret, as I do like tomatoes floating around in my stew. This is also why I bought an 8 qt cast iron kettle and a 6 qt crock pot.

The point being, that you can add or subtract from this basic formula all you like........cut it in half, reduce the amount of barley.........whatever.

It's meat, broth and stuff............seasoned any way you damn well please. Instead of barley, you can add rice, or pasta, or dumplings, or dried beans.....or nothing.
Just remember to compensate for the liquid they absorb and brown-the-fucking-meat-because-now-you-know-why-and-you-don't-have-any-excuse.

Bon Appetite, kids..............by way of apoligizing to poor ol' Omar Khayyam for what I did to him in the title of this piece, the least I can do is get him right in closing..........

"And, as the Cock crew, those who stood before

The Tavern shouted-"Open then the Door!

You know how little while we have to stay,

And, once departed, may return no more.""


......from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

Be kind to yourselves, feed yourselves.......enjoy the flavor of life!

Thus endeth the lesson...........